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[21 Jun 2009|11:50pm] |
michelle and i got our apartment decorated for the most part, still a few details here and there that need to be taken care of. we hosted a father's day dinner tonight, our very first dinner aww how sweet. anyway here are some rather large pictures of our place under a cut.
( picatures )
-randy
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[08 Jun 2009|09:13am] |
well michelle and i are officially all moved in to our apartment, everything is still a mess and we still have a tiny bit of unpacking to do but we're in.
our first day and night in the apartment is really supposed to be one of the happiest days, but yesterday was honestly one of the worst days of my life. saturday morning, the day we had a uhaul truck to move in the rest of our belongings, there was something wrong with our kitty margot. she couldn't stand on her own and she was breathing really fast. i wanted to pay attention to her and try to find out what was wrong but i had a whole day of moving to take care of. michelle finally ended up taking her to an emergency vet clinic, they told us that margot was showing signs of feline asthma so they gave her a steroid injection and gave us some steroid pills to give to her to try and normalize her breathing. they also told us to wait until monday and if she doesn't appear to be any better to take her back to get some blood work done on her. sunday morning(the first morning after sleeping in the apartment) i wake up to michelle in a panic, telling me to put clothes on because we have to go back to the vet right now. margot was laying on the couch completely unresponsive to any stimulus. i rushed to put some clothes on then we both got in the car to drive margot out to the vet. on the ride over margot was completely lifeless, michelle kept petting her and kept telling her to wake up while frantically crying. we finally got margot into the vet's office but it was no use, she was already dead before we got there.
our little kitty only 7 months old is dead, and we had to sit there and watch her die. we're supposed to be happy and excited about finally moving out, something we've been waiting to do for about a year and a half, but now we're here and we can't enjoy it. even our other cat desmond is bummed out, he wants to play but he doesn't have a little sister to play with anymore. i don't understand cat language, but i'm pretty sure he keeps asking me where margot is, every once in a while he'll walk up to me and start meowing at me like he wants food, so i take him over to his food bowl but he just turns around and starts meowing at me again. i'm no cat whisperer or anything but i'm pretty sure he's asking where his sister went.
i know the pain will all go away in time, but for now i'm still in shock, margot was completely healthy on friday, saturday she was sick, sunday morning she died. it's all so sudden that i'm still having troubles believing that she's really gone forever.
enough depressing stories, i just needed to vent this all out though.
-randy
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[28 May 2009|07:41pm] |
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Yay LJ on my iPhone, maybe I'll update more often(don't hold your breath). -randy Posted via LiveJournal.app.
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[27 May 2009|02:01pm] |
wow josh pushed shit talking on XBL via call of duty to a whole new level today. my favorite excerpt from him being:
kingofmadden09: your name is randysaysrelax, why don't you relax?
josh: why don't you relax? relax your lips, relax your throat and remember to take a deep breath before i slide it down your throat.
needless to say kingofmadden09 had nothing to say to that, but everybody else in the game was laughing. josh should become a professional shit-talker, the four years of being a car salesman has trained him well in the linguistic arts of bullshitting people and thinking on the fly. although if an XBL account can be deactivated due to complaints i'm pretty sure my account is going to shut off soon after today. god i love the internets.
-randy
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[24 May 2009|03:12pm] |
michelle and i will finally begin the move in process in prairie view next week, after all that waiting from our application process. i was seriously going to go kick that compliance officer in the teeth for being such a stickler with our application. the lady that works at the office in prairie view feels bad for us, mainly because we've given her shit this entire time with massive guilt trips and she's decided to let us move in next week, but not make us pay rent until the first of july. so at least there's a bright side to it all. now we just need to get a washer and dryer fixated for ourselves, along with many other household items which we currently don't own. the financial situation really does suck right now, but the excitement of getting out of this house is over-coming that destitute feeling, that is, until it's time to pay some bills, then it's back to 'sigh city.'
-randy
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[05 May 2009|08:26pm] |
michelle and i put in an application for our first apartment today. i don't think we'll have any serious problems getting approved, it's a low income complex, and we make shit for money. the apartments are called prairie view, they're fairly new, i think they were built within the last 5 years or so. we reserved a 2 bedroom 2 bathroom model, it's 1050 sq. ft. and on the second of 2 floors. i'm so excited to get the fuck out of this house, my mom is going nuts and by association, making me nuts. she just can't get over the fact that she can't wait to move, she talks like arizona is some kind of paradise, and washington is the cold asshole of the united states.
i really think she's using the weather as a facade for her real reason for moving; getting away from everybody. i'm pretty damn sure she's sick of living with michelle and i, she's also tired of her sisters, which i understand. her sisters(my aunts) are awful. most of them are alcoholics, and they're the worst gossipers i've ever met, you can't say anything around them without it being spread to the rest of the family in 2 seconds. ever since my grandma died the family has been falling apart, and i don't blame my mom for wanting to get away from that at all. i think she also wants to start dating again and she feels really uncomfortable about my brother and i judging who she dates. i'll be frank here, she's attracted to men that are trashy pieces of shit, real douche bags that treat her like shit. she didn't even tell me that she was getting married to my ex-stepdad because she knew i hated him and knew i wouldn't approve of the marriage. she wants her own life, i understand this, but she's too afraid just to talk to me and tell me what's up so she found her first valid excuse to get out of here and ran with it.
well regardless of why she wants to move, she's doing it and has given michelle and i a good push in the right direction. we need our freedom, and our cats need their freedom to roam about an open space instead of being locked in our room.
when or if we get accepted we shall have a small house warming get together, where we shall dress in fancy attire and sip cocktails.
-randy
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[04 May 2009|01:24pm] |
i really need to remember to take my pills. i think i took 1 of 4 pills between saturady and sunday and i'm a fucking wreck today. the suicidal thoughts are getting worse, turning into urges, so i think i'm going to pawn or sell my gun, shit's getting scary. i need to get back into the doctors office and tell them that this prozac is only doing so much, i need to find some hippy doctor that will prescribe me some medical weed, seriously, i don't ever remember being depressed during my heavy weed usage period.
if anyone wants to buy a .40 caliber glock with a couple hundred rounds let me know, i'll sell it all for $450.
-randy
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[30 Apr 2009|02:13pm] |
so the english nazi inside me has been freaking out lately over this new axe advertising campaign. 'double pits to chesty' they call it. the commercial where the motorcyclist rips off his shirt in mid air and proceeds to spray his armpits and chest with axe, all the while doing a back flip on a motorcycle. i get what they mean, what they're trying to do here, but seriously axe, you need to learn what a double plural is. pit is an armpit, pits is the plural form of pit, meaning two or more pits. so this singular man with two armpits does a double pits to chesty, how? he sprays each of his armpits once, he doesn't spray them twice nor does he have 4 armpits to spray once each. so how the fuck does he do a double pits to chesty?
it's stupid shit like this that gets stuck in my head. it shouldn't bother me so much, but i honestly think that horrible grammar in the mainstream media is just a part of what is rotting our little north american kids' brains out.
-randy
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| ghost hunting |
[13 Apr 2009|09:22pm] |
i've had a fascination with the paranormal for a long time. every time a show about ghosts or ghost hunting on, i watch it, whenever i stumble on a website about ghosts i end up staying on it for hours, or until i've seen every picture and video. michelle recently brought up the idea of finding one of the haunted portland tours, to maybe see if we can experience a ghost in person. after researching the different tours around the area we decided to go with the portland walking tour of old town pizza and the white eagle hotel.
the first stop was old town pizza, located on NW Davis st. in between 2nd and 3rd avenue. the story behind the building is that it used to be a hotel/brothel in the early 1900's. the third floor was the home of the resident prostitutes, including one named "Nina." nina was sold into being a prostitution, so she wasn't exactly about the position she was in, but there was nothing she could do about it. nina ended up being thrown down an elevator shaft by a john of hers, scratch marks on the ground proved that she didn't die from the fall, so the john must've had to go down to the basement to finish the job. it's said that people have seen here inside the restaurant and there have also been reports of smelling her perfume in the air.
i guess i was the lucky one of the tour, i was the only one to experience anything paranormal. we were in the basement of old town pizza, where nina's body was found. this basement happens to be right under the kitchen, all the heat radiates down there, it was actually pretty uncomfortably warm down there, no windows, no ventilation, but that's old construction for you. towards the end of the of investigation of the basement, actually as we were all leaving in the midst of this hot basement my entire body went frigid. my entire body was cold, i could all the hair on my body standing up, and when i looked at my arms there were goosebumps all over the place. michelle even caught a picture of me rubbing my arms because they were so cold.
it's really hard to tell convincing ghost stories, there's always a lot of doubt around them by people who weren't there, and in my kind of case people that were even standing right next to me. an experience like that is really hard to explain, i went from sweating in this basement to feeling like i walked in a freezer in .2 seconds, in a room with no AC or any kind of drafts to leak in whatsoever.
-randy
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| almost forgot... |
[12 Mar 2009|11:16am] |
i do have some good news though. tomorrow i will be the owner of a sexy blood red xbox box 360 elite(shown below). still trying to come up with an account profile name, i want something new but i'm having a creative block on it. i blame it on my technical report writing class, it sucked all the creativity out of me and replaced it with facts.
-randy
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| some people... |
[12 Mar 2009|10:55am] |
 
that's what i came out to last night after english class. i have no idea who did or why, but on the rear window the name 'ryan pattinson' was written in red paint. i'm guessing that somebody mistook my car for their friends and this was just a poorly executed prank, but it still irked me. that shit doesn't clean off very well, i had to try and get it off with a bottle of water and paper towels from a bathroom in clark, that paint just smeared all over my windows and i couldn't see shit on my drive home. why is this kind of prank happening in a college parking lot? isn't shit like this supposed to stop in high school?
i'm certainly not pissed about it, i see the humor in it, but this car is like the first care i've owned that i actually care a little about, so someone vandalizing it is a little frustrating.
-randy
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| life in general |
[18 Feb 2009|11:28am] |
it's been a long time since i've posted anything on here. i'm still an lj stalker though, i read the posts on my friends list everyday. so don't stop posting like me.
life has been ok for me lately. although i got declined for the whole reason i've been going to school, the apprenticeships for bonneville power. bummer, there goes an awesome paying job with about the best stability you can get. i'm not too sad about it though, as much as the money would've been great there was a 97% guarantee that i'd have to move somewhere that i really don't want to live, like idaho or montana...yuck. so i think i'm going to finish the rest of school and then search for a residential, low voltage electrician type of job, maybe try to get into the union.
my depression has been going good, i've been to the doctors about once a month for check ups and prescription changes. they took me off welbutrin because that shit wasn't doing anything for me, i still had irrational suicidal thoughts numerous times a day. they switched me over to prozac, and so far i like the way it's treating me. no more suicidal thoughts, i still get sad for no reason every now and then but it's not as bad as it used to be. i take 2 20mg pills a day and i think it keeps me at a good neutral point. one of my class mates is totally hooking me up with adderol, she said she went to the doctor once a week for 3 weeks for her adderol prescription and in those 3 weeks they changed her dosage every time. she said she accumulated 5 months worth of adderol. i need them badly, my classes are so goddamn boring i can't pay attention or i'm on the verge of falling asleep 90% of the time.
my mom has decided to move to arizona, her best friend moved down there and ever since then my mom's friend has been plaguing my moms ideas of how she could move down there as well. we've been renovating the house little by little in preparation to sell it. but yesterday she proposed to michelle and i that instead of selling the house that she'll move in with her friend in arizona, and in the meantime michelle and i stay in this house up here and make the house payments. we'd stay in the house until i got a decent job and michelle and i could afford our own place, and hopefully the market will get better and my mom will be able to sell the house for more. this concept excites me, the house payments here are only $513 a month, plus we've been renting out the downstairs bedroom to a family friend and he pays us $400 a month, so michelle and i would only have to pay $113 a month plus utilities to have a nice 2100 sq. ft. house. i sure hope that plan realizes, if my mom sells this house michelle and i are going to have to try and fin a cheap apartment, and even the cheapest apartments will still be more expensive than living here.
that's my life.
-randy
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[28 Oct 2008|09:48am] |
man i think hell must've froze over. i asked my mom who she voted for and she said she voted for barrack obama. my mom has been a staunch republican, the same as the rest of my family, her entire life, she even voted for george dubya...both terms. holy shit what a shocker! when i asked her why she said that she really doesn't like john mccain, and she thinks sarah palin is pretty much a walking punchline for politics. which is true, they made a porno movie out of her for christ's sake, "who's nailin' paylin?"(the movie spelled her name as 'serra paylin' probably so they couldn't get totally sued up their ass.)
in any case i'm proud of my mom for her decision to vote for obama, he seems like a good guy and i think he's going to do good things for the country if he's elected. enough with those warmongering, blood lusting, oil hungry republicans. satan spawn i tell you, satan!
-randy
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| cross posted on myspace |
[16 Oct 2008|12:12pm] |
i got another wii yesterday, so anybody with a friend code should give it to me. my friend code is 5775 4013 3170 5539
in other news, i had my doctors appointment yesterday. it went alright, the doctor was nice. he prescribed me wellbutrin, he said it's good for people that have busy lives and suffer from depression. one of the side effects is it gives you extra energy, whereas other prescriptions have a tendency to make you tired or drowsy. so wellbutrin will be perfect for me with my school schedule. we'll see how it helps, i have a check up appointment in about 3 weeks.
-randy
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[01 Oct 2008|10:53am] |
it was unavoidable, and i need help so yesterday i came out of the "mental illness closet," i'm calling it. i told michelle and i told my mom that i need professional help, that i'm tired of all these irrational thoughts of suicide popping up in my head. there's nothing more that i hate than spewing my plague of problems on people, i've always been an introvert in that fashion. i just think that people have their own set of problems and pains to worry about, why should i just stack up their grief with my own set turmoil? that's not a good rationalization though, when you love someone and have a problem, it's kind of your duty to help your loved one with their problems. there's some invisible, silent contract you sign with your relatives and loved ones that love binds us to.
my mom is a really proactive person, after i told her that i want to get on an anti-depressant and our conversation ended she immediately jumped on the phone calling around to clinics to find out about pricing, trying to find a place that will diagnose and prescribe a mental health issue for someone without insurance or a decent source of income for a reasonable price. we found a place that bills on an income scale, with my current situation of full time student on unemployment, they will see me for $20 an appointment.
i'm grateful for my mom's help, but the appointment she scheduled is on my goddamn birthday. "happy birthday randy you suffer from manic depression!" i imagine that's what the doctor is going to tell me.
-randy
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[30 Sep 2008|09:32am] |
i'm going to call this the other half of the post i made yesterday. i forgot to mention that even though everything school wise is going smoothly and great, that my personal 'inside my head' life hasn't been going that great.
i feel like i've really been losing control of my emotions. especially with anger, it's hard for me to get a little peaved with something, without my emotions completely raging into a furious anger, and i have absolutely no clue why. i really would like to keep my anger in check but it seems like it's getting harder and harder to do that, i don't even have anything to be angry about for christs sake. the only thing i can really point a pin on(and yes, it's the easiest pin to point) is depression. ever since i was 13 i've had horribly bad bouts of depression that wander to and fro my life. lately my depression has been scaring me, it's intensified, to the point where i'd like to seek help of a psychiatrist. i've been thinking about killing myself a lot, it's something that i'll never do, but the fact that the thought comes into my head even when i've had an awesome, happy day scares me. why would i even think about that? it's a reoccurring thought of grabbing my glock, putting it in my mouth and pulling the trigger. it's sort of like a daydream when i'm lying in bed before i go to sleep. i'm thinking about selling my gun, and not buying another one, which pains me to say because i really do enjoy going out and shooting, but keeping that gun is a dormant risk for myself.
well as depressing as all that is there is a happier side to my emotional control loss. i keep thinking about the radiohead concert last month. how breathtakingly awesome it was, i never thought i could ever be so touched by a live performance. i always made fun of people i saw crying in concerts, like that stupid little girl crying because of sanjayas live performance on american idol. but man, i seriously almost started bawling at that concert, when they played pyramid song, how to disappear completely, and street spirit. especially how to disappear completely, man, that was tough one to hold in the tears, such a beautiful song, and when it's right in front of you live i guess it's just a little over whelming. well anyway my point is that every time i think about that performance i can't stop myself from tearing up a little and getting all goosebumpy. i can't control it, and as happy as that experience was for me, i'm bothered by my lack of self control.
at any rate i'm thinking about trying to get on an anti-depressant. anybody have any recommendations? if i can't control my own emotions maybe a little mind numbing pill will do the trick. i could probably afford it too if i hadn't have bought that laptop haha, oh well i'm still going to look into it.
one other aspect of my life worth mentioning is that i made a serious cut in caffeine consumption in my life. no more energy drinks, caffeine free soda, decaf coffee, the works. i really felt like for a while i started to get addicted to caffeine, and i don't like addictions of any sort. as you probably just read, i like to be in control of myself, and addictions are a loss in control. kicking caffeine is working out pretty good, i haven't had any caffeine in about a month and a half. well that's not true, i drank one energy drink last week, i'm not sure why, it was the first caffeine i've had in a while and my stomach was empty, i got jittery as fuck, i couldn't stop my hands from shaking.
i'm going to try and start posting more regularly so when i do make posts they won't be epically large.
-randy
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[29 Sep 2008|09:53am] |
it's been a long time since i've updated my livejournal, there have been countless times where i've wanted to stop and write something in here but for some reason couldn't pull myself to do it. i have no idea why it's so hard to write in this thing, maybe i've become too comfortable being a habitual reader of lj. well anyway i'm here now, and i'm dedicating myself to writing this post.
life has been good to me, extraordinarily good to me, and i really can't see what i've done to deserve it. i appreciate it a lot though, over the years i've learned to not take things for granted, which used to be a horrible problem for me personally. i'm glad i've been able to mature past that state, i hated myself and how i treated others around me. i've been blessed recently, not in a deeply religious way, but almost every aspect of my life has been working out to my advantage, which almost never used to happen, and yes, i'm extremely grateful for it.
fall quarter started last week, which is the start of my program that i'm taking at clark. this program is all about the power utilities industry, and in the end is supposed to get us into that career. when i registered to take these classes i wasn't completely sure that power utilities is really where i want to take my life professionally. the only ting i know about it is that those jobs pay well. even now that i'm taking the classes i feel so uninterested in what they're teaching, making it through these classes is going to be a struggle, but i'm going to try my hardest to do well. there's no turning back from this point.
ever since i got fired from expeditors i've been riding unemployment. usually people who live on their own and pay their own bills can't afford to live on unemployment alone, unemployment pays, but it doesn't pay that well. my mom has been nice enough to let michelle and i stay at her house for very little money a month. through unemployment i've found all sorts of great opportunities for schooling. there are so many grants and free education programs out there you'd be surprised if you looked. specifically there are a lot of programs to support people that have been fired, and are looking to start a new, more stable career path. since i've been unemployed and really have had nothing better to do, i've explored all of these options and have had some great results from it. so far i've taken two quarters of college, and out of the tuition and book fees i've racked up, i've only had to put out $160 of my own money. i enrolled in a program through worksource a while ago, you have to tell them what career you want to be in, what schooling and how long it will take and they decide whether or not they'll fund you or not. well my plan got approved so all of my classes are completely paid for when i register for them, and they setup an account in the school bookstore for me with $300 in, so when i need my books i can get them without having to spend any money.
now that all my classes are paid for, all the money that comes in from fafsa is just spending money. i got a check last week for $1500 from fafsa, since i didn't have any school nonsense to spend it on i bought myself a new laptop. michelle has sort of made a home out of the sony, and i hate sitting in the office when i want to use a computer, so i bought laptop that i could use regularly. i bought a gateway p-7811fx, it has decent specs, it makes for a pretty good gaming computer. so far the only thing i've tested it out with is call of duty 4, i cranked all the graphics up on it and i was surprised the game didn't lag whatsoever, completely smooth.
i have a ton more to write about, but this post has gotten long so i'll save it for another time. that's what's been going on in my life as of late, just in case you were wondering.
-randy
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| because i'm a good sport... |
[07 Sep 2008|12:02pm] |
* Each blogger starts with ten random facts/habits about themselves.
* Bloggers that are tagged need to write on their own blog about their ten things and post these rules.
* At the end of your blog, you need to choose ten people to get tagged and list their names.
1. i have a horrible habit of staring at people through the tinted windows of my car, especially at night when i know you can't see through them. but if my windows are rolled down i won't look at anybody.
2. in sixth grade on the first day of class, i pretended like i had a british accent to seem more interesting to my peers, it worked too, but i had to eventually stop doing it.
3.when my cat is being really lazy and won't move i like to use him as a pillow, we call that the "killow"
4. walmart gives me panic attacks and nervous breakdowns, i don't care if it's cheaper, i'll pay more at fred meyer's to keep my sanity
5. i can't be in crowded areas(this kind of goes along with the last fact), too much sensory stimuli freaks me out, if there's too many people talking around me i get nervous and panicked.
6. i hate how thick the lower part of my body has gotten. i know people work hard to get their legs all muscle bound, but my muscles came by surprise and i hate them, i want to be skinny again.
7. i'm super self conscious about my stomach, ever since i got in my car accident a few years back, my spine has developed a nasty curve in the lower region called "hyper lordosis." it makes my stomach stick out like a pregnant woman, so i'm constantly sucking in my stomach.
8. i miss smoking weed like crazy, i miss getting baked and playing flow.
9. when i was a kid i used to play air guitar on a tennis racket while jumping on the couch, watching mtv.
10. i still play wow, and i'm not ashamed of it, i've actually made some friends on it, a guy named rob and his wife mary, they live in texas and they both have doctorates in criminal justice. we've been playing together for roughly two years.
i don't want to pressure anybody with a tag. do it if you like, it's kind of fun to dig up facts about yourself.
-randy
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| good news |
[22 Jun 2008|11:48am] |
we got a the letter from immigration yesterday, the letter we've been waiting almost a year for. michelle is finally, and officially a us resident. god what a load off our chests, it's so relieving to know that we're not going to have to take her case to court and have to spend ungodly amounts of money on a lawyer. i didn't even know how we were going to be able to afford a lawyer, i don't work, neither does she, we probably would've had to bum money off of my grandpa which i really hate doing. we read on a website that with cases like ours, where we have to petition via affidavit to keep her in the country, that about 70-90% of the affidavits get denied, so luckily we managed to stay in that 30-10% of approval.
so we don't have to worry about any of that anymore. no more threats of deportation are looming over our heads.
and now we can finally travel, michelle will be able to leave the states without being kicked out of the us permanently, so if we want to go visit her family down in chile we can, and when we get the money saved up for our european tour we can do that as well.
tomorrow will mark one year of michelle and i being married, so one more year of marriage until michelle can apply for the greencard, which means she won't have to have a sponsor anymore, she'll be free to live however she wants to here.
i don't think i've ever been so relieved in my life, it seriously feels like a big thick black cloud that has been in my head has blown away.
-randy
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